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Advanced Dating
After The First Date – What’s Next?
by Eugene Tan
Scenario 3:
You met the wrong type of person
If after the first date, you’re very sure that the
other party is not the type of person you’re looking
for, it’s time to plan your exit strategy. It’s very
much like what experts teach us about investing –
after buying a particular stock, it’s good to have
in mind what price you want to exit at a profit or a
stop loss. The following exit tips may help:
i) Exit
fearlessly
I
know of friends who have no qualms about rejecting
someone else. Yet, there are many others who face
difficulty in rejecting a person because they don’t
want to hurt the other party. Let’s put it this way
– if you give the other party the wrong idea that
you’re interested, it’ll hurt them even more when
they find out the truth next time. Many people I’ve
spoken to would rather know the truth upfront rather
than have their expectations falsely built up.
Hence, don’t be afraid to reject someone if you need
to – you’re saving them from further pain down the
line. The other reason to exit fearlessly is of
course to protect yourself – if you sense that the
other party is up to no good.
ii) Exit
graciously
Although honesty is a good practice, we should not
be too brutally honest about how we feel about the
other person, especially if it’s very negative. Even
if you know you’re incompatible as life partners,
you can always remain as friends. In a way, it also
expands your personal or professional network. For
example, you may end off the date by saying
something neutral like, “It was nice meeting you
tonight”, rather than pass a curt remark like
“You’re pretty boring” or “I don’t see any future in
us”. But do drop sufficient hints so that the other
person knows you’re not keen for further dates, eg.
“My schedule is quite full in the next few weeks”,
or “At the moment, I’m too busy with my work to find
time to socialise.” Always be gracious when you
exit.
iii) Exit at
the right timing
It’s important to keep an open mind throughout the
date – the process of building rapport cannot be
rushed, and you ought to tell yourself to give the
other person a chance. It’s a little too abrupt and
rude to end a date within minutes of seeing someone,
even if you know 100% that the person is not for
you. After all, it’s only an hour or so of your
time, and unless you are in a big rush to do
something else, it is only polite to finish the date
on a pleasant note. If the other party suggests a
follow-up activity after dinner such as a movie or a
stroll in the park, you can then excuse yourself
politely – work commitments, project deadlines and
meetings with other friends are examples of gracious
excuses.
Next: You messed up the date
big time
Previous: What if you are not
sure?
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